The Miami Guidebook

What the guidebooks won't tell you about Miami:

1. Most restaurants do not take credit cards; cash is a must.

2. Parking in South Beach requires quarters; these can be obtained at any of the publix grocery stores (located every couple of blocks).

3. Miami is not a place for vegetarians; I've had 3 delis refuse to make a sandwich that did not have meat on it. See above reference to publix for food.

4. The beautiful people in South Beach are not located on Ocean Drive; Ocean Drive is where you will find the hoochies and the studmonkeys, i.e., clothing optional but really all you can think is 'cover up people.' You must have at least a bottle of wine to find these people attractive.

5. Assume your hotel will have mold in it especially if it has carpet (the actual hotel does not matter); for this reason, be leary of the air conditioner and sleep with the balcony door open (this may require ear plugs but truly a small price).